I have spent a year trying to figure out how to write about this topic. The topic of my bottom surgery and the effects it had on my state of being.
It’s difficult to describe, it’s more than I thought it would be. Prior to the procedure, the only somewhat comparable experience I had to draw from was my trachea shave. In hindsight, it’s not really comparable at all. Maybe in the sense that I am more comfortable in my skin and with that, I step out into the world with more confidence, but aside from this, I wouldn’t compare the two at all.
Bottom surgery has enabled me to start living my life. That might sound weird, but suddenly things that previously seemed unattainable to me are within reach. You might say, what does that mean? Again, I don’t really know how to describe it, other than to say that the experience has been truly profound.
Perhaps the most significant change for me has been my outlook on life. I used to be so scared of everything that I locked myself away from the world. Now, that seems far scarier a prospect to me than the potential of getting hurt ever did. I want to experience life. I want friends, love, community, family. I want to live a full life and the idea of missing out on those things is much scarier than getting hurt along the way.
Since I last wrote about my surgery plans last year, I have made many changes in my life. I started dating, I started making new friends and going out into the world, experiencing new things. I moved to a new state and started a new job. Nearly every aspect of my life changed in just a few short months.
It’s not always easy, but life is good and I think for the first time I feel like I am truly living my life. My dreams are attainable.
I realize that it might seem crazy to attribute all of this to this one surgery. A surgery that most of you likely only view in terms of the physical changes it brings. While I have enjoyed those changes, it’s easy to underestimate the power of the mental and emotional aspects such a procedure can have on your psyche.
I hate to sound like a broken record, but the experience has been truly profound.