I got to spend some time with my sister this evening, who had a number of interesting theories regarding what I described in my last blog post “Words“.

We talked about depression and what I was going through for some time as I struggled to describe to her what exactly I am going through. We both came to the same conclusion – I am not depressed.

She shared a number of observations and ideas with me that I agreed with, but that didn’t really seem to hit the nail on the head. But then she came up with one theory that really stood out to me, and seems to fit my profile.

Over the years I retreated more and more into myself, finding it easier to keep a secret in isolation. She theorized that after years of living in isolation, largely removed from friends and family,  I may no longer know how to get out there, how to live life, and how to do the things people do. So while I am finding myself at a juncture where I am finally ready to start living my life, I may lack the skills to do so.

I feel she might be on to something here. I am well aware that I lack certain social skills, but it is perfectly plausible that I may also lack, or have lost other life skills simply by not applying them for so long.

She further theorized that what I am experiencing may be remnants of my past experience with depression. Almost like a bad habit that I just can’t shake.

I know I have a lot of baggage to unpack as I re-enter the world of the living, and while it’s not always easy, these sort of discussions with both my family and my therapist really do help. To you I say, thank you for listening, and thank you for sharing your experience, and wisdom. It means the world to me.

I have a lot to learn as I try to build a normal-ish life for myself. I always feel a bit corny saying this, but at the end of the day, all I want is to be a regular girl, with a regular life.